I struggle to get in enough time to connect with my kids. It always seems like there is a load of laundry to fold first before I can get around to doing that puzzle with my youngest son.
There is always one more work email to send before I go up to tuck them into bed, just to find out that they have already fallen asleep. I am also guilty of just plain not feeling like taking the time to slow down to be present with them. Especially after a rough day of too many sibling squabbles and sassy retorts. Many times I feel anxious when there are a million things running through my mind that need to get done. I justify putting those things above my kids in priority because they may be more URGENT but not necessarily more IMPORTANT.
Then I have to remind myself that my child is more important than that load of laundry. Laundry will ALWAYS be there, but my child won’t. Before long, they will be gone. They will move out of the home, and I will no longer be #1 in their life. The time is NOW to solidify those connections. Time is ticking.
Love is spelled: T-I-M-E
I know this.
We all know this, but do we make it happen? Let’s be honest. It can be hard to actually put them into action. That is why I have learned the importance of scheduling these times on the calendar. Just like an important work conference call gets scheduled, so does my time with my kids. Instead of trying to fit my kids around my schedule, I now fit my schedule around my kids.
I know things may not always go as planned and we have to adjust the plans sometimes, but here are three ways I have started scheduling more quality time to connect with my kids:
1. Screen Time Fast
I have a reminder scheduled on my phone to go off between the hours of 6 and 8 p.m. During those two hours, all electronics are put away and we spend that time with family. We cook together, eat dinner together, play games, talk, read, etc. It made me realize how both my husband and I are both attached (maybe addicted) to checking and being on our devices every five minutes. We even told our kids to remind us in case we forget and slip up. They are always more than willing to remind us. It’s only two hours a day, but I know that it is making a difference in my relationships with my children.
2. Tucking in My Kids at Night
I still have wonderful memories of my Dad tucking me in at night. I would always ask him to tell me a story about when he was little. He told some of the most silliest stories. It is one of my favorite memories of when I was little. Tweens and teens may not like the term “tucking in”, but you can call it “Talk Time” or “Hang Out Time” for them. It doesn’t even have to be for very long. Just ten minutes would be enough to make a difference over the long term. These are times when my older children will open up to me a bit more than they would during the day with other family members around. Just talking about their day with them and letting them lead the conversation makes them feel loved and heard.
3. One-on-One “Dates”
Once a month, I have on my calendar to have a date with one child. Since I have four kids, that means each one gets 3 special dates per year with me. My husband does the same thing, so they get a total of 6 one-on-one dates a year between the two of us. I have these scheduled out for the entire year. That way, it doesn’t get pushed to the back burner. It is a priority. The dates don’t have to be extravagant or expensive. They can be going to the mall and playing video games together for a of couple hours, going to the local park to play tennis, or to the lake to ride the paddle boats. Just as long as it is an activity that you are face to face. Going to see a movie is okay once in a while, but I try to avoid doing often since there is more staring at a screen than there is talking and interacting.
Owen and I on our “date” to Build A Bear
My husband and I also started a tradition of taking each child on a short (long weekend) one-on-one trip when they turn 12 years old. I took my oldest daughter on a trip two years ago to New York City with Adventures by Disney. It was such a fun and unique way to connect with each other, hanging out and exploring the “Big Apple”, just the two of us (and our tour group). I will be doing something similar with my other daughter who is turning 12 very soon.
On a tour with Adventures By Disney in New York City
I’ve learned in my 14 short years of being a parent, that time with my children is one of the best gifts I can give them. In order to have a good relationship with them, we have to be connected. I’ll admit that sometimes my negative interactions out number the positive ones for the day. These scheduled bonding times like the “Tuck in” or “screen time fast” help reset for the next day. It’s not always easy to just drop everything and do it every time, but I just remind myself that I need to connect with my kids. Those emails and dirty socks can wait.
